Values

Hi, everyone and welcome! I’m your host Wes. It’s such an honor to finally be able to launch and share with you this podcast. I want to offer a huge and deeply felt gratitude to everyone who will listen to this episode. I hope my words inspire, challenge, and help open a door that might have been otherwise closed.

Before we get into the subject of today’s episode, I wanted to offer a roadmap of what to expect. For December I’ll be taking the first four episodes to talk about things I discuss with clients in my coaching practice and what I believe to be relevant and hugely important to all. This is to allow listeners who don’t know me to get a sense of my style and make up their mind whether they want to follow this podcast. It also serves as a more effective way for me to play around and fine tune the editing process.

At the start of 2022 we’ll transition to listening to interviews that I have done and recorded. I’m so thankful to those who have already given their time and have others lined up. I plan for this to go until the end of February where I’ll then take a break and return in May. Right now doing a new episode every week all year long is not realistic.

As some might guess from the title’ episode today we’re going to look at the topic of Values. I do want to clarify that this episode and others where I speak about a topic are not exhaustive nor able to fully flesh out every facet. My hope is to touch on key things that might generally resonate with listeners and then spark something in you that could either be furthered with a conversation with me or possibly someone else entirely.

Having Values be the topic for the series’ premiere feels right. When I talk about Values I’m not talking about preference. For example, “I value the color blue over yellow.” That’s a matter of taste. Values are engrained in us. They can be innate or learned, but our Values are key components within us and make us a part of who we are. When we live out our Values, we experience a more satisfied and complete life. When we move through life without pausing to consider our Values or not give them time to grow we’ll find our lives feeling empty and dissatisfying. Is it any wonder then why so many move through life, void of any spark or vitality?

What about you? Let me ask you one of the most important questions I can ask. What do you value? It’s not a question that we hear often. For someone to ask that means they’re willing to let the conversation move beyond the surface. There are many things we can value: Family. Faith. Time. Money. Status. Clarity. Appreciation. Entertainment. The list goes on, but those were a few things that popped into my head. Did anything in that list I just read pop out to you? If so, pay attention to that. It might mean that is something that you value.

Let’s quickly consider two common barriers to values. It’s my strong belief that when these obstacles are overcome we are able to step into that life many want to experience. A life marked by hope and a sense of wholeness. The first barrier is not knowing your values. At first, it can be a difficult thing. It can feel nebulous which can make the entire effort feel frustrating. If you’re listening (or reading this as a blog) today and you aren’t sure what you value. Consider a few points.

Firstly, what is it that energizes you? At the risk of sounding new agey, I take time to talk with clients about what in their life energizes them and what drains them. What restores their being and what empties it? Everyone has both. Some things, such as children can be draining in the moment, but you’re cultivating a harvest of a relationship and guiding a new person into the often-choppy waters of life. To clarify, drainers often only take, rarely do they also give back.

Values are going to always energize or renew us. I highly value creativity. I don’t like mundane or sanitized. I like color. I appreciate the different approach that breaks from routine. Creativity inspires me and leaves me feeling complete. Whether that creativity comes out through my writing of my sci-fi fantasy books, problem solving, relational building, entertainment, or cooking each way is meaningful to me.

On the flip side what do you find yourself mechanically drawn to when you’re not proving space for your Values to grow? Continuing with my example of creativity, if I haven’t experienced a level of creativity I grow bored or irritated. When I’m in this state my mind starts running to how I might fulfill this value. This is why I say it’s more than a preference. It’s a necessity. If I value creativity but then never make any conscious effort to feed that value I’m left feeling ravenous which makes me emotionally hangry.

And if you’re trying to figure out what you value, the final point to consider is: what causes you to break the mold? What causes you to consider evading the law and stepping out of your comfort zone? Let me clarify, I’m not encouraging nor suggesting illegal behavior. The point that I’m trying to make is you’re going to be more willing to stretch yourself to adhere to you Values than you would otherwise. At the risk of using an inflammatory and controversial example, the Covid vaccine mandate comes to mind. There are those who value self-agency more than they value safety. There are those who value the respect of making an informed decision rather than having something forced or required of them. They might sound or appear as selfish, stupid, or hateful, but their refusal to bend the knee and risk losing their jobs or relationships comes from a refusal to break away from their values. I hope that makes sense. If something compels you to hurl into an uncertain expanse or risk having your reputation assaulted and you’re willing to accept that, then you probably value whatever that thing is.

Hopefully, I gave you something to consider. Again this is not an exhaustive list. There’s only so much I can include unless you want each episode to be an hour or more in length. I’m telling you I couldn’t do that. Gold star for you if you can.

The other barrier we’ll consider is knowing what your values are, but not giving them a soil to grow. In what ways do you give your Values time and space to be lived out? If the answer to that question would be “I don’t.” Then ask yourself what is it that you are gaining by not letting your values be lived out?

In my experience there are three common reasons why people don’t stick to their values or sweep them away: employment, relationships, or uncertainty. Of course, there are more, but these three are very common. How many people work at a job they love? I know a lot of people and a lot of those people work. I know very few who love what they do. I could probably count on one hand, two if I stretch it, that do. Do you love where your work? Do you remain there because of satisfaction or out of necessity? There are legitimate times when someone is stuck and the path to transition is hard to climb, but how many people are in environments that poison what they value, but they remain?

How many remain in a relationship because they’d rather be miserable with someone else than be semi-miserable alone? How many people won’t take the risk or chance because of the unknown? There is a certain level of instinctual desire to be safe within all of us, but our culture really stresses it, if not is obsessed safety and comfort. Seeking safety in of itself is not the problem, but how many people find safety, turn into an Ostrich, and bury their heads into it?

Again, I’m advocating for risky behaviors, but life is full of risks we just become used to them. Every time I get behind the wheel I’m not guaranteed to survive. I don’t get into the car with my knees shaking, nor should I. But we don’t think twice about driving in a car at high speeds, but we won’t make the time to live out our values because that might require a risk. How many listening today would say you feel stuck? Whether that’s in one area or multiple. Of course, without hearing the specifics of your situation it’s difficult to know, but often times when I explore that feeling with others it’s rooted in the absence of their values lived out.

I value creativity and social interaction. If I can’t experience either at my job I’m going to be dissatisfied. What’s so critical for everyone to understand is that this sense of unfulfillment will grow over time and turn into a bitter toxin against yourself and towards others.

Removing faith from the equation for a moment, do you want to know the difference why some people get their jaws broken and move forward while others grow old and rancorous? It’s not always this simple, but good general rule: is from living a life absent of values.

What about you? If I were talking to you, seated face to face on the other side of the table, and asked you how satisfied do you feel with your life what do you think your answer would be? And, if in fact, you don’t feel satisfied and it is because you don’t know how live out your values then what would it take for you to realistically change that? Do you value your values enough to be willing to take that risk? My hope is that everyone would, but I can’t make that call for you.

Next week, I want to build off this topic and tie it to Vision – seeing something that exists only in your mind. I want us to see how Vision and Values weave a crucial thread in living out an abundant life.

Thank you again, for listening. Please, feel free to share this with others and reach out to me if you’d like someone to talk with more deeply about what resonated with you today.

I’ll speak to you next Wednesday. In the meantime, let’s all be intentional to step into a fulfilled, balanced, and authentic life.